Mary Hazel Conrad – July 20, 1913 to April 2, 2012
I haven’t spoken about it much online, except in thanks to my friends and family whom have supported me via Facebook and Twitter. Last Monday, April 2, 2012, my great-grandmother, Mary Hazel Conrad, passed away. She was an amazing woman, who left a long legacy from her 98 years of life. Her life, riddled with wonderful memories, and hard times, was exceptional. She was never pessimistic, and always looking at the brighter side of life. She had personified love
Granny and I
for me, and many others in our family. Beautiful, inside and out. A heart of gold, that melted others with the softest of smiles.
Her final four years of her life were spent at Owensboro Place, a retirement facility. It pained me to see her in such a state that required 24 hour care, but the family had no choice. She seemed to enjoy her time there, mostly, except for the food. However, I do not think she realized where she had been living, since we always told her she was in a rehab center, or her apartment. If she was more aware, she would have had a nervous breakdown if she knew where she was.
I was always close to her, even when I was a small child. She shaped me to be the kind, and caring person I am today. These last four years, although painful, I spent as much time as I could with her. This last year, she had become incredibly difficult when it came time for her to eat. I would come out after work, and get her to eat. I was the ONLY person who could get her to eat. Despite the fact, she started to wither away; no longer the plump, yet jolly woman of my memories, but she retained her sharp wit and sarcasm. I would come out to see her after going to Hopkinsville for work, and tell her I went down there, only to have her retort, “You mean to tell me, they let you out of there?” in reference to Western State Hospital (psychiatric facility).
What can I say? I’m going to miss the woman. She was a pillar of love and influence in my life. Watching her lay in that bed and pass was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Saying goodbye was the last thing I ever wanted to do to someone who has been such and important piece of my life. This last week, I’ve caught myself thinking, and wondering, what I am going to do now that she’s gone. I spent so much time with her, it’s unbelievable to think on. To have a great-grandparent that adored you, and told some of the wildest (and yet, TRUE!) stories from her past, was a privilege few receive.
One of the hardest things I had to deal with since her passing, was to go home from work yesterday afternoon, at the end of the day. I used to leave the office, hop in my car, and drive down to see her. Instead, I no longer had a reason to go to the nursing home, since she’s gone. I didn’t know what to think, or do. I felt lost, like a lost puppy. The drive home was excruciating for me. Thinking back on all of those days just seemed trivial until April the 2nd. After that, it feels like I’ve lost my purpose in life.
I miss her. Without a doubt, I miss that rascally old woman. She was one of the most wonderful people I have ever known, and will ever know. There’s an empty space in my heart, where she had been all my life. This loss hurts more than I ever imagined, despite I had accepted the fact that it was coming soon. However, no matter how much you prepare, you are NEVER prepared for it. I miss her, but I will never forget her, and the things she taught me. I just wish I could sit with her, play a game of cards (war), and just sit and talk for hours, like we used to. I miss that. I miss her.
Life’s Lesson
Today has proven that people do not change. No matter how much you don’t talk to them, avoid them, ignore them, and forget about them, they will NOT change. This was brought to my attention today thanks to a good friend of mine who notified me of a message, from a former friend, that chastised me for something I wrote. However, the writing of mine in question, had nothing to do with ANYONE that I know. To clarify, I had written it, because I was amused by it. If you don’t like it, tough shit. It wasn’t directed at anyone, which you so vehemently assumed. Quit making assumptions in regards to something you know NOTHING of. I can write what I want, when I want. If you don’t like it, tough shit; don’t read it.
Then, he responds to another message I had written. My message spelled out the fact that I haven’t thought about, cared for, worried, wondered, or even glanced in their general direction in a long time. So why try to bring up something that you think is fact, when it is nothing but fiction? Seriously, we’re all adults here, aren’t we? Why continue forth with the passive aggressive messages? I wouldn’t have even KNOWN about it, if it weren’t for my friend notifying me about it.
Anyway, I just want to clear the air here, since I’m sure you, and your posse, will be reading this: I DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. Go on and live your ‘merry’ little life how you want to. I’m not interfering in any way. Of course, I’m posting this here, because YOU do not want me contacting you directly, which is fine by me. However, if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all. I thought that you all would finally have shut up about past interactions, but no. Fuck no. Today, you had to try and drag me back into it. I may add, that was rather successful for you, but this is MY LAST CORRESPONDENCE WITH YOU FOR GOOD. Grow up. Forget me. I forgot about you, mostly. Almost completely, actually, until you tried to stir up the shit-pot again. Ugh.
I’ve been very happy with my life without you all in it. Happier than you ever thought possible. Oh, yeah. Remember when you called me a liar about looking for a house? Yeah, I’ll bring that up. I BOUGHT ONE! Choke on that, bitch. Now, leave me alone. For good. Keep me off your mind, your lips, and tongue. Do me a favor, don’t even LOOK in my direction if you happen to see me in public. Okay? Thanks! Bye.
STOP the BULLYING
How many lives, lost and destroyed, will it take before the school officials and authority figures in McLean County start to take the effects of bullying seriously? They are allowing these children to destroy others, and in some cases, ENCOURAGE IT. How should I know? How about the fact that as a child, I was constantly bullied? How about the fact that some teachers PARTICIPATED in it? However, whether it was a ‘willing’ participation, or perhaps ‘circumstantial’, I don’t know, but I do know that I was affected by bullying as a child.
Bullying has become a major problem over the years, especially with the widespread adoption of the Internet. Children have been given a new outlet to make others lives a nightmare. Sites such as Topix.com has become an outlet. Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, and various social media have given them the ability to slander one’s name with their peers more easily, albeit not anonymously. These tools were originally created to connect people, and to spread news and information. With the good, comes the bad. It’s a fact of life.
So how could we go about fixing the problem of bullying? There are many ways that we really need to look at, and utilize them all at once to start creating a positive impact. For starters, parents should actually start doing the PARENTING that they should have been doing all along. Raise the children, teaching them that bullying is not only wrong, but it’s cruel and downright hateful. Schools need to start being more responsive in regards to bullying. I have heard, and experienced countless times, students going to a teacher or figure of authority to report bullying, be told that they will do something, and yet nothing ever happens. Misery just continues, nothing less.
Now it’s time for my to turn my attention to the ineptitude of McLean County schools and police officials. How can the SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT claim that they do not believe it was a case of BULLYING when the family found a NOTE WRITTEN BY SHAY?! I mean, really? You are literally given some of the most condemning and VERIFIABLE evidence, and you completely disregard it? This is a failure for the entire county. Is it not bad enough that drug use and production is at an all-time high (no pun intended) in McLean county, and yet, they can’t even use the most damning piece of evidence and open a case regarding bullying? I hate to say it, and stoop to this level of language, but it seems to be the most understood thing of all. FUCK YOU MCLEAN COUNTY OFFICIALS. You have done nothing but prove to me, and your entire populace, that you are a rotten, dirty, cruel and hateful county, and the only people who the officials care for are themselves and those that give them money.
Now I turn my attention to the school system. Is it not bad enough that you all ALLOWED HAZING TO HAPPEN LAST YEAR IN YOUR SCHOOL?! Is it not enough that it hurt the poor kid severely then, and yet, you all did next to nothing over it? You make me ASHAMED to call myself an alumni of McLean County High School. I am VERY ashamed. It’s disgusting. The hazing, and now this child’s SUICIDE does not bode well on you. There are signs teachers can be taught to recognize in students that are being victims of bullying. Signs such as the student becoming increasingly withdrawn in class. A student attempting to avoid another student, or shows a strong feeling of disdain toward another student or group of students. Even if the student is in proximity of the bully, you can notice it with both of them. The bully will focus efforts, and sometimes even attempt to be subtle, in how the bully will pick on their victim. The victim will attempt to avoid the bully, even by getting as far away as they can in a class. How can a teacher NOT notice these signs? Surely the student would have friends that would notify a teacher of a situation coming to a head. IF they were notified, why did they not act upon that information?
As you can see, this county is condemning itself. These words written here are not based on an opinion. They are based on fact. Sure, people will want to blame the parents, others would like to solely blame the school. I would like to lay the blame on ALL OF THE PARTIES INVOLVED. The parents should be doing their part, the schools should not be an enabler and allow this kind of thing to happen. Schools used to be a safe place… what happened to that?
Nonstop Action Thriller
Posted by Josh in Development, Life on July 26, 2011
Wow. That’s the only word that I can truly use when in regards to this last month, let alone the last few months. Honestly, I’m not particularly sure where I should start. Perhaps I should just start with everything that has been happening this month. Perhaps, the starting point should on July 6th. That day has signified a huge, and distinctive change in my life. At 4:30 PM, I went to the Kamuf, Pace and Kamuf law offices and signed some very official paperwork. That paperwork was the contracts, loans, and paperwork for my own slice of heaven. My very OWN house. My home.
I could not be happier with the fact that I’m now living in my own place. Not an apartment, nor a condo, nor anything else being rented. It’s my OWN home. So now, I once again proved naysayers and others that I’m not a liar, and I had been looking for a house for well over a year and half. Funny how I take my time, and find exactly what I was looking for.
July 7, 2011, turned out to be a very interesting day. After just moving into the house on the 6th, I had to head to Lexington at 5 AM. This road trip had been pre-planned, to a degree. This trip was to take my best friend, his fiancee, the groomsmen, and the bridesmaids to Kings Island for a day of fun in the sun. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to ride too many rides. I had developed a severe case of heat exhaustion and dehydration. As we were waiting in line to get aboard The Beast, the heat exhaustion hit me, and I had to leave in an immediate hurry. After that, I had been in a rather embarrassing situation the rest of the day. To put it simply, I had to get a change of clothes for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, the illness didn’t pass until well after the weekend.
July 9, 2011. Matt’s wedding. I’m proud, and happy to say that I was part of such a momentous occasion in his life. I have been friends with him since the first day of our first semester at Murray State. That day in August 2003, we met at 8:30 AM in our Monday thru Friday Algebra and Trigonometry class. Suffice to say, we have been friends ever since. There is no possible way a friend could be more proud than to be involved in such a wondrous moment in one’s life. Despite being ill, I was more than willing to sacrifice my comfort so I could be there for him. After all, he let me move in with him for 4 months when I had been laid off from my previous job. For lack of better words, my friendship with him has been a Godsend. I would have done the same for him.
The time between those events, and recent days have been a total blur. Between work, and trying to find the energy to unpack, and visiting with family and Granny at the nursing home, I can’t discern many days apart. A few days have sufficiently stood out since then. July 16th, a friend of mine lost his life. He had been ill for months, and then he was suddenly gone. I miss him. I wish I got to know him better, but he was always a good friend through the time I had known him, and always had good advice, whether you were looking for it or not. May he rest in peace.
July 24th, I turned 26. As of that day, my age is now exactly half of my mother’s. I love her dearly, and am so glad that she is still with us today. To think that 4 years ago, we almost lost her. It’s still a difficult topic for me to think upon, let alone talk about, but there is one thing for certain; I’m very happy that she’s still here to listen to me when I need help or advice.
Well, although I have so much more rattling within my head, I just can’t seem to focus on a topic to continue writing on an elongated post. July has been an exciting month, as well as the last few months. Perhaps there will be time soon enough for relaxation, remembrance, and a good time.
Peace.
Saying Goodbye
It’s always easier said than done, when one must say goodbye. Tomorrow, I will be doing just that. Tomorrow, a friend whom I wish I knew better, yet knew better than I thought, will be in front of me, for the last time. Matthew Adkins passed away Saturday, July 16, 2011. He was the friend who was there for you when you needed someone to speak to, always knowing just what to say.
To say that he fought a long, hard battle to recovery would be a gross understatement. These last few months had not only been miserable to him, but they were the hardest of his life. Constantly going in and out of the hospital, with no recovery actually in site. The man struggled to stay on his feet, and his health was not one to improve. My heart breaks that he fought as long as he did, and suffered so much. The months were not kind to him. His truck was totaled not too long ago, and he loved that truck.
Suffice to say, it is a sad relief to know that he is no longer suffering. Sad as it may be that he didn’t make it through, he did live a good life and his attitude and friendliness showed that. He touched everyone’s mind and soul. Never would you have met a man so outgoing, friendly, and such a fan of Star Trek and Transformers! Strong hearted, and strong willed, his soul seemed nearly unbreakable, and his love for others, untarnished. You could ask him ANYTHING about Pearl Jam, and he could tell you the right answer without hardly a thought.
Strong, kind, caring, intelligent, hilarious, loving, and giving. There are thousands of words that could describe Matty, and we wouldn’t even get the TIP of that iceberg. He’ll always live on in our hearts, mind and soul. I believe that this song is fitting, and I’m sure Matt would approve:
Vacation!!!!!!!!!!
It’s a bit of a late post, as I’ve been back from vacation for almost a week now, but I figured I would update about it. I took a short trip to Chicago, which turned out to be an absolute blast.
On Monday, the vacation began. Around roughly 11:30 AM, I left for Chicago. Leaving Owensboro, I was invigorated and excited to be driving up to Chicago. About half way in, the thoughts began to creep in. “Am I crazy?! I’m driving TO CHICAGO!”. It was totally worth it. After arriving in Chicago, I came upon a nice, not-so-little traffic jam. Traffic had been backed up for roughly 2 miles, and it was very stop-and-go. While in the jam, I came to the realization that I needed to be in the left lane to remain on the correct freeway. No sooner than after I turned my signal on and started to watch for a clearing, the driver of the car behind me was kind enough to let me in. Never has that happened in ANY city I have ever driven in. Owensboro, Nashville, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Atlanta, Louisville, etc, etc. I was in complete shock and awe that someone would be kind enough to let someone through.
Finally, my arrival to O’Hare International Airport was a frenzy. I had arrived to pick up Matt and Greyson. Was quite an interesting experience driving through the terminals, just to find your friends. Traffic was nuts, and the taxis were nuttier. However, we quickly managed to get back onto the freeway and on our way to the hotel.
After the hotel check-in, we decided to meander out into the town and find some grub. Consequently, we made the decision to go eat some Chicago-style stuffed-pizza at Giordano’s. Absolutely DELICIOUS! Afterward, we finally headed back to the hotel to drink a few, and pass out.
Morning came early. Too early. Such a brightly cordoned room it was, when the curtains were pulled open. After finally pulling ourselves together, it was time to hit the streets. The three of us meandered around town, and finally found the Rosemont CTA Stop, and decided to take the public train system the rest of the day. $14 for a 3 day pass is incredibly cheap, particularly given the fact that the stops go throughout most of the city. INCREDIBLY CONVENIENT!
Our tour of town eventually led us out toward Lake Michigan, and the Shedd Aquarium. $35 for an aquarium ticket is rather high for me, so we eventually found out that they have an $8 general admission ticket that we took advantage of. All we wanted to do was see some of the fish, not the ‘Dora and Diego 4-D’ feature they have. Sorry, but we aren’t children, and do not have children… yet. It was certainly interesting, some of the fish they have.
Next stop: WILLIS TOWER. It’s not the first time I had been up to the Sky Deck, but it was certainly the most fun and entertaining. Being with my best friend was a bunch of fun. It really made me realize just how much I probably missed last year when he went backpacking across Europe. Originally, the plan had included me on the trip, but I didn’t have the money, nor vacation time. Maybe we can do that in a few years.
After we left Willis Tower, we hopped on the trains and started to head back to the hotel. It was almost time for the big event! Around 6:15, we left for the venue. Arriving roughly around 6:30, I was particularly surprised at two things. One, the entire arena had LONG lines going all the way around it. Two, we managed to find an open door and got in and got to the front row of the floor, quickly.
Before the opening act (Combichrist) took stage, people all around us took the time to get to know one another. It was quite fun, meeting people that traveled near and far for this show. The people in front of us had been waiting in line since 4:30 AM, and they were from Kansas City, MO. The fellows behind us were from Detroit, MI. And the guy directly to my left… well, he was from Paducah, KY. Was particularly surprised to be standing next to someone from a city so close to me.
Finally, the MAIN event. Rammstein took stage, and it couldn’t have been more amazing. Between getting pushed and shoved into the barricade when the crowd would surge toward the stage, and all the flamethrowers the band used, we were literally stuck between a rock and a hot-spot. Their performance was incredible, and they sounded absolutely phenomenal in a live setting. I couldn’t have enjoyed it any more than I did. Perhaps I’ll update this later with a more detailed description of the show.
After the show, we packed it in and went back to the hotel. Drank a few, and crashed out again, only to start a new day as quickly as the last one. I made the decision to return home instead of traverse the city with the guys, as I was tired, and I had to drive back, while they had a flight home scheduled. So at that, I dropped them off at the CTA stop in Rosemont, and took to the road.
So, it was certainly an enjoyable and exhausting mini-vacation, but it was certainly something I needed as well.
Anniversary
Posted by Josh in Uncategorized on May 7, 2011
It has been a year. Wow. My how time flies lately.
Roadtrippin’ It
In just a little over a month, I’ll be going to Chicago with one of my best friends. I absolutely cannot wait. This time, my trip to Chicago will include true friends, great music, and amazing memories.
My first trip to Chicago involved me, my wonderful friend Katie (who I need to bug more often), several acquaintances, and a former friend. Of course, during this time, I was unemployed and incredibly bored with my life. Enter my former friend: he had a spare ticket that he didn’t want wasted, and offered it to me. The artists in the concert were Dave Matthews Band, and Willie Nelson. My ears perked up when he mentioned Willie Nelson. I could care less for DMB, because although they are great live, I consider them to be rather overproduced and boring, musically.
However, the trip was fun. Went to a concert, which was presented to me as being a free ticket for me, because I was absolutely broke and unemployed. Enjoyed the show, so on and so forth. Within the next month, I finally got a job. Not a week after I was hired on, he started prodding me, wanting me to pay him for the ticket that was, in what was presented to me, as a free ticket. But, of course, I went ahead and recouped his costs, because that’s just how I roll. Should have seen it coming though, because months later, he proved he wasn’t a true friend. Anyway, enough of that story, and lets get back on the Chicago thought.
I absolutely LOVE that city. There’s something absolutely mystifying about Chicago. Is it the atmosphere? The people? The architecture? I don’t know, but I absolutely adore it all. This time around, I’ll be going to see one of my absolute favorite bands. It’s the first time in over a decade that they have toured in the US. The last time they toured, they actually got banned from playing many places IN the US. Also, they are German.
Yes, I’m going to see RAMMSTEIN
Rammstein
I’ve been wanting to see them for years, but they hadn’t played in the US in well over a decade. Finally, they are touring here, and I cannot wait. This trip to Chicago is going to be absolutely amazing. My best friend of almost 10 years, one of his best friends, and I are going to see Rammstein, and just have a blast. I couldn’t ask for much more.
Sir, We Have Movement
These last several weeks have been incredibly busy. A transition from my office at GRITS, to our central agency is finally under way. Now, I can actually start using my PROMOTION! As of last week, my replacement has been trained in the day-to-day activities that I had continued on with during my time at GRITS. Now that she has been trained, I can truly start focusing on our software upgrade. It’s been a very long process, but yes, it will be done in the next month or so. I’m incredibly excited that my first truly huge project is almost complete.
Many other things have been happening besides just work. I have finally, FINALLY, found a house. I’m about to start the process of purchasing it, and I need to speak to at least two or three more banks. Since I will be a first-time buyer, there are many loan programs available that I would like to learn about before I make my decision on who to go with. At least the search is over, and I know nobody else will buy it out from under me!
Another thing that has really been on my mind is one particular woman. I find her… just incredible. I can’t put words to it, honestly. I don’t know her relatively well, but I really would like to. It’s just odd how I met her, and how I’m getting to know her as a person, and I just lack the absolute ability to describe it. Maybe there’s a reason for all of this?
Anyway, it’s time for me to head to bed. Don’t want to be late on my first day at the (other) office!
‘Round These Parts
Things have gotten more and more interesting around here as of lately. Word has spread that the Westboro Baptist Church will be in Owensboro this weekend, to picket Blessed Mother Catholic Church because of the poor soul who shot himself in front of the church several weeks ago. Such a sad story, and these sick people want to come and stand on their proverbial high-horse, and condemn others. These people would be better relegated to the back of our consciousness and thoughts. They do not deserve our full attention, or any attention, whatsoever.
Naturally, a few people took a short message I wrote about “gathering” a group for a counter-protest, wrongly. The entire message was meant to instigate thought and to instill value in the fact that ignorance is bliss. I was being quite sarcastic about it, and people obviously do not fully understand some sarcasm. I know a few people mistook it, mostly because they aren’t fully familiar with my sarcasm. It’s okay, though. I won’t hold it against them. I have no plans to counter-protest. It would be a complete waste of my time, and effort. You can’t reason with insane people.
In the wake of the WBC shenanigans that will be happening this weekend, I have been bombarded by texts and Facebook Statuses and Tweets regarding something that is 100% untrue. These people notified me that, supposedly, an American soldier was refused service at a gas station here in Owensboro. What these people failed to realize is that there is no facts to back up this purported refusal. It is simply not true. People need to quit taking people’s word at face value, and learn to do their research and find out for SURE. However, it’s sad that so many people are a lamb, being led to slaughter. It really shows just how gullible, or ignorant, people around here are.
After the rumors started going around, I noticed an incredible amount of racism being demonstrated against those of Arabic/Middle-Eastern descent. That is just purely sickening to me. These people went as far as calling them ‘sand n—ers’ and continually put them down. Is this how we really TREAT people around here, if they are different? It is shameful, sickening, and immoral. What happened to ‘morality’ when it comes to tolerance of those whom are different? Did it suddenly disappear off the face of the earth around here, or did their CHRISTIAN GOD make them better than Arabs/Muslims/etc? I’m sorry, but no, their god didn’t. People need to grow up, get over themselves, and learn to love others REGARDLESS. THEN they can truly say they are a follower of Christ. Until then, they need to get off their ‘The Power of Christ COMPELS YOU’ spiel.